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EW knows the perfect formula for creating an Oscar-winning movie — 12 of them, in fact. Among our faux posters is this gem for Bipolar Napoleon:

Leonardo DiCaprio affects his most French accent yet in a historical biopic that dares to suggest that history’s greatest military leader also suffered from one of the Academy’s favorite mental illnesses. Using the same digital effects that convinced you that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a good movie, DiCaprio plays Napoleon through every part of his life: Adorable toddler, emotionally damaged teenager, brilliant general, decadent emperor, tormented exile, and cancer victim. Just for good measure, DiCaprio also lost 100 pounds on a starvation diet, then gained 200 pounds of muscle, then reverted to his original weight to play Napoleon’s twin brother. It’s a performance that’s bound to make every Oscar voter say, ”Oh, what the heck, we gotta give him one of these sooner or later.”

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